Gents, It’s Time We Spoke Honestly About Jackrabbit Sex

You know the one. Fast. Hard. Relentless. You’re proud of how long you can go. She’s underneath you doing the math on how much longer this is going to last.

I have worked with hundreds of women. I have heard this complaint more than almost any other.

They don’t describe it as amazing. They describe it as boring. Some describe it as painful. A lot describe it as feeling used, like a human sex toy with a pulse.

And I know what you’re thinking. “But she seemed so into it.”

Yes, women sometimes fake it. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Maybe she didn’t know how to ask for something different. That doesn’t mean your partner was pretending. It means you can’t assume silence meant satisfaction.

If porn was your sex education, you may have learned how sex looks on camera without learning what your partner actually enjoys.

Jackhammering is autopilot, and autopilot doesn’t know the woman underneath it.

THE CLOCK

It’s the number nobody tells you.

A study on time to orgasm found women take an average of about 13 minutes from adequate arousal to orgasm. A survey of over two thousand women put it around 14 minutes once stimulation begins.

Add those up. She needs to be turned on first, and then she needs about a quarter of an hour. Your four minute sprint is not a sprint. It’s a preview.

Speed doesn’t fix the clock. It just makes the minutes worse.

So if you’re going to be in it, be in it long enough. Slow down. Build it. And then stay.

WHAT ACTUALLY WORKS

The best rhythm isn’t in and out. It’s circular.

And to be really honest, the best rhythm is the one she tells you feels good. When something works, stay with it. Don’t change it just to prove you know another move, or because you assume she’ll get bored. If she’s telling you she likes it, believe her.

Instead of thrusting like a piston, go deep and roll your hips in slow circles. Your pelvis grinds against hers. The shaft presses against her front wall and the deep spots. The friction is completely different from jackhammering.

Doggy style is easiest for this. You get a clean angle, you grab her hips, and you roll them with yours in slow circles. Missionary with a pillow under her hips works. Spooning works. Slow and steady, tip in contact, gliding, not stabbing.

That circular motion is how women describe their best not only the G spot orgasm but that’s how you can give her that big O - DEEP cervical orgasm. Pressure and circles, steady speed.

Photo by Luwadlin Bosman on Unsplash.

KEEP A HAND ON HER CLIT

Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and that doesn’t stop mattering during sex.

So during penetration, keep a hand on her clit, or let her use hers, or use a toy. That’s not cheating at sex. That’s playing the actual game.

And don’t stop when she’s close. That’s the number one mistake. She’s breathing hard, she’s gripping you, she’s right there, and you speed up or change angle. Don’t. Keep the exact same motion. Same speed. Same angle. Let her ride it out.

BUILD THE HEAT BEFORE YOU MOVE

Jackrabbiting usually happens because the man got excited and skipped warming her up.

Don’t touch her genitals yet. Kiss her. Make out with her. Kiss her neck, her breasts, her stomach, her inner thighs. Play with her nipples. Breathe on her. Talk to her. Get her whole body awake before you go anywhere near the main event.

Then go down on her. Take your time with it. Let her enjoy it. Tease her. Make her ask for it.

By the time you get inside her, she should already be close to the edge. That’s what slow sex feels like. Not boring. Inevitable.

DON’T CHANGE WHAT’S WORKING

She tells you she likes something, and you immediately switch because you want to show her what else you know.

Listen to her. She just told you what works. You don’t need to impress her with variety. You need to show her you heard her.

ASK

Before, not during. “What do you like?” “What gets you there?” “What don’t you like?”

Then actually remember the answer.

Asking doesn’t make you weak. It makes you the man who knows what he’s doing. Women talk. The men who ask are the men we call back.

THE HONEST TRUTH

Hard sex isn’t always wrong. Some women love it, sometimes. During ovulation, some women want exactly that. If she’s into a dominant dynamic, she might ask for it. Some women want to be taken, and that’s hot.

But here’s the difference between good hard sex and jackhammering. Good hard sex is chosen by both of you, in the moment, with feedback. Jackhammering is a man running his routine and hoping.

And if she says it hurts, stop. Pain is information. Don’t push through it.

SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO INSTEAD?

Slow down.

Warm her whole body up before you touch her genitals.

Use your hips in circles, not just in and out.

Keep a hand on her clit.

Go down on her and take your time.

Tease her until she’s begging.

Ask her what she likes, and listen.

When she tells you what works, keep doing it. You don’t need another move to prove you’re good at this.

You will be amazed what happens when you stop trying to impress her and start trying to feel her.

Nita Chakrabarty is a relationship coach for high performing men. She has worked with more than 400 men and women in her coaching space. She is the author of The King’s Code and The Next Chapter.

This column is educational. It is not medical advice.

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Originally published by Nita Chakrabarty at Magnetic Masculine Code. Republished with permission.