How to Spoil a Woman Without Guessing What She Wants

I believe men should spoil the women they love. I like generosity. I like a man who enjoys planning a beautiful evening, sending flowers and making life a little sweeter for his woman. You won’t hear me telling him to become less generous so he can appear more powerful.

I do want that generosity to reach her.

If you’re choosing a gift, planning a date or trying to be romantic, start with what you know about this particular woman. What has she been looking forward to? What does she linger over? What has she mentioned more than once? What kind of attention does she enjoy receiving?

Maybe she loves a dressed-up dinner with a view. Maybe she would be delighted by tickets to a musician she’s followed for years. Maybe she has been carrying a difficult week and would love an evening where you’ve taken care of the arrangements and there’s no rush.

You can ask her. Being thoughtful doesn’t require clairvoyance. “What would feel like a really lovely evening to you right now?” can teach you more than another list of supposedly irresistible date ideas.

Then use the answer. You don’t need to hand the whole evening back to her to organize. If she wants dinner, choose a place, make the reservation and tell her what you have in mind. If there’s a detail you need to check, check it. Initiative and consideration belong in the same plan.

And let her enjoy anticipating it. A message with a time, a place and a little about the atmosphere can make her feel invited into something you’re excited to share. A surprise can still leave her knowing what to wear and how she’ll get home.

This is part of what I mean by spoiling her. You’ve thought about her experience before she arrives.

Once you’re together, stay there. Put the phone away when you can. Ask about the thing she said mattered. Let her finish the story. If you have an unavoidable work obligation, explain it beforehand instead of repeatedly disappearing into your screen while insisting you’re listening.

A beautiful dinner gives you somewhere to be together. You still have to be together.

There is room for lavish gestures and ordinary care in the same relationship. You can book the trip and remember how she likes her coffee. Buy the gift and notice that she seems tired. Celebrate her birthday properly and show interest in an unremarkable Tuesday. None of those actions needs to compete with the others.

What matters is whether your generosity reflects the woman you’re coming to know, or a role you’ve decided to perform regardless of who she is.

Of course, choose with discernment. I’m talking about giving within a connection where interest, affection and consideration are mutual. You don’t have to fund an endless audition for someone who treats you with indifference. But when a woman is showing up with warmth, making time and caring about your life, don’t become so preoccupied with protecting yourself that you can no longer enjoy loving her.

Let yourself be pleased to give. Receiving her appreciation can be part of the pleasure. You don’t need to turn the gesture into a debt or expect a particular kind of affection afterward.

For the man at the hotel, I wouldn’t prescribe a more expensive weekend. I’d start with the conversation he missed. “I was distracted at dinner. You were telling me about work, and I want to hear it properly.” Then he can listen.

He can still take pride in what he arranged. He can also see what would make the next evening feel closer.

Before you plan your next date, write down one thing she has told you she loves and one thing happening in her life that deserves your attention. Build something around those details. Pay, be generous, enjoy her company, and give her the experience of being with a man who wants to know her.

That’s an evening worth looking forward to.

— Nita

If you want to bring more intention to your dating or relationship, read about working with me. We can look at your actual situation and decide what would be useful next.

Wondering whether her interest is genuine? Read Should Men Pay for Dates? Generosity Needs Discernment.

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Originally published by Nita Chakrabarty at Magnetic Masculine Code. Republished with permission.